i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
