I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
