Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
