I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
