Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize