God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
