i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
