I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
