"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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