I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
