Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
