So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
True strength comes from lack of pants
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
