wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
