Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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