I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
