Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
