Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
