We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
