Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
