I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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