JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
