Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
