idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she pinky promised me she was 18
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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