Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
