Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
