i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
