kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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