i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
did i just pee glitter
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
