wanna go halves on a baby?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
