DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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