I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
