Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
