Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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