You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
be right there i have to get my cape
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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