I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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