shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
