Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
