People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
