They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
