hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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