Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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