Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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