You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize