You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I wear drunk well.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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