you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
