did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
