last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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