Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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