the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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