There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
