Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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