My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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