Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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