I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
