I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
