I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
