ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
