he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i barfeds in our rink
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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