i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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