apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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