Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
