When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
