Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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