Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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