I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize