I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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