Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
