How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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