is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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