Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
