Only a mothe r could love this liver
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
