Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
