You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
