after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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