Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
