I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
