i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
