I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize