You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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