I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
