If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
