Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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