i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize