Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
