thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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