It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
